so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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