Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
