Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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