So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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