Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
