I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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