The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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