Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
