Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
