She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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