I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
