i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
