i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
