Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FUCK WHALES
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
