i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
