I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
