is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
