i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
