Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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