Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
