My liver just broke up with me...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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