Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
