Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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