so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
