Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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