dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
