Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
