If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
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