I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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