I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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