my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
