I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
