is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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