yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you win again, gameday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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