Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
