More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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