I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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