Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
