just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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