I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
