That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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