He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
