Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
