i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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