Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
