So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
