I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
