I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize