New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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