Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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