Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
