this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
