I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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