If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
