so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
