Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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