One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
