4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
