I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize