i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
