...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
