Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
