its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
