I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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