i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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