Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
