he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
